Trying times

Very trying to say the least. First, the new replacement windows that were delivered pre-Christmas but which I’ve not had the time to put in myself, mainly due to problems to do with my new house build that I’ll go on to talk about later. I eventually decided that much as I like to do things myself (because then I get the kind of job that I want), I’d have to get an ‘expert’ handyman in to do the job in order to ease the pressure on me.

Now, anyone who has fitted replacement windows knows that to do a proper job you need to take the measurements of the old windows very accurately so when the old frames have been removed, a gap of 1 cm is left all around the frames of the replacements, which are then carefully wedged in place and secured. Then the gap is filled with mastic or silicone sealant which then cures, so at the end of the day the job looks as perfect as possible with the minimum of making good to be done.

In order to achieve the latter, your work has to be very careful and accurate and with this in mind I spent a considerable amount of time and effort measuring up my old windows before ordering the replacements to exactly the required dimensions in order to achieve as perfect a job as possible. In the long run, doing so saves time and effort, as my friend Wim and I proved when we fitted my new sliding patio door.

This was far more challenging than the window replacements as not only was there a lot of wall to be knocked out but the surface left into which the frame then had to be installed was also very rough and irregular making it difficult to achieve a good end result. But we managed to do so as the following three shots show – the first two showing the sealant gap on either side inside (before making the wall good, which will cover it) and the third a typical piece of the sealant outside.

So fitting the replacement windows should have been something of a doddle for an ‘expert’, especially as I said to start on the three small ones in the bathroom which being smaller and lighter than those in the bedrooms should have been much less challenging.

I suppose I should have spotted the red flag when the ‘expert’ who had been recommended to me to do the job didn’t have a small electric angle grinder, essential for cutting away the masonry on each side of the three apertures after the old frames had been removed in order to get the replacements to sit deeper inside, and I had to lend him mine. However, I was astonished when I heard what sounded more like demolition coming from the bathroom and eventually I had to go and investigate what was going on.

I found that ‘demolition’ was actually very close to the mark. All my efforts in accurate measurement had been cast to the wind, but not only that, what I found was a disaster. The room looked like Raqqa after a Syrian airstrike with rubble all over the floor. The new windows had been fitted with a temporary plastic section on their bases to protect them during transportation and the ‘expert’ had used one as a pattern. However, he’d left the plastic section on when cutting the holes in the wall so he had unnecessarily removed a huge amount of masonry in order to accomodate it, in all three holes.

He’d also ripped out the window frames complete without cutting them before removing them, so as to do as little damage to the surrounding walls as possible, and the inevitable result was that not only were the holes grossly over-size for the new windows but there was also considerable damage to the surrounding plasterwork.

All in all the job was an abomination and it was no wonder that he complained about the difficulty of making secure fixings above, below and to the sides of the new windows. And not only that, he’d cut so much out of the top of the first hole that when secured, the top of the window was below the top of the aperture and special measures will eventually be needed to make the job good.

He had clearly never ever done such a job in his life before and in truth I don’t think that he was capable of doing so. Here’s what it looked like at the end of the day when he finally quit to go home. First, the two windows in the bathroom.

Now the third window in the toilet – exactly the same as the other two with all the same problems.

My original intention was to go ahead next week-end and install the replacements in the bedrooms, but I decided that there was no way that it would be possible for that to go ahead. In fact although I’ll have to pay him for what he’s done so far, the ‘expert’ has been informed that his further services will not be required.

When I think of what my plans were and how carefully I’d measured up and prepared for these replacement windows, I am actually furious. My neighbour Chantal said that I should have told him to make the work good but there was no way that I’d let him touch anything else. Making good will be down to me and in fact it’ll take me longer than if I’d done the whole job myself. If only I had done.

I detest the spray foam that incompetent handymen use to plug gaps and fill holes. When I was young I had the privilege to work during my school and university holidays with skilled tradesmen who were expert at their jobs and never had the need to ‘bodge’ anything as they always did things properly and ended up with perfect results.

I’ve never forgotten those lessons and it’s why I’m so demanding, not only of others who do things for me but also of myself, and I’ve even been known to trash what I’ve been working on and start over again. But today I had no choice and after filling the massive gaps around the windows with foam and cutting it back when it had cured sufficiently this evening, this is how things looked.

The ‘expert’ seemed to think that all one has to do is ‘bodge’ the gaps with the foam and then plaster up to the new window frames. But you can’t. You must have a flexible joint (ie mastic or silicone sealant) between the frame and the plasterwork. The reason is that the frame and the wall expand and contract at different rates and without such a joint cracks will soon develop and the new windows will begin to look very shabby.

So although any idiot can blow spray foam around the frames, cutting it back so (a) you can get sufficient depth of plaster around them and (b) a gap to take the flexible joint, takes much more time and skill. And that’s why you take the trouble to work accurately and carefully in the first place so you don’t have such problems, the total opposite to what this bozo did.

I was going to go on to talk about the problems I’m facing with my new house build but it’s getting late so I’ll leave it to my next post, when I’ll go through things in detail.